The Tiny Twin Mom

The thing about marriage is that it's not always very good. In fact, sometimes it really sucks.

Like right now. I'm sitting here seething over a stupid fight my husband and I just had. It's in these moments that I realize how different we are. I stew on all of our irreconcilable differences. I sit and wonder how long our young marriage will last. It sucks. It's pessimistic. It's negative. It's kind of stupid and selfish.

Alright, full disclosure: I was planning to make this more like a diary entry. It was just going to be for me but....


He has apologized. I have apologized. The fight was roughly 20 minutes including the spirited exchange of apologies during which we addressed our various grievances against each other.

The original fight began at the Donut Palace drive-thru like half an hour ago: Should we get more donuts or should we get bottled waters to meet the $3.00 limit for debit cards?

Brian opted for the bottled waters even though I was on Team More Donuts.

My rational is that we have a case full of bottled water that we bought at Sam's Club and that we don't have donuts. Ergo, we need more donuts and not more water. Brian's rational is that I told him to only let me get one donut and if he got more then I would later have whined over how he is a bad influence on my health and an enabler (most likely true).

We fight about who is right and then I say my usual line: "It's just that you don't think all of the time, Brian." 

Fighting words.

• We get to our apartment and start passive-aggressively cleaning. In silence.
• I tell Brian he makes the house smell like eggs.
• He tries to light a candle.
• I say, "You can't just light and candle and expect it to fix everything, Brian."
• He tells me I never pick up my dirty clothes. (Partially true)
• I tell him he doesn't know how to make the bed right.
• He tells me that he's sick of my makeup on the counter.
• I tell him that he needs to stop buying the expensive milk ("You just don't think all of the time, Brian.").
• He tells me that I have a double standard. (true)
• I say OMG and roll my eyes.
• He grabs an towel of the rack and declares that I never let him "use a fresh towel" and shuts himself in the bathroom.
• I pound on the door yelling that I need my makeup.
• He ignores me and showers.
• I begin writing this blog.
• He finishes his shower and joins me at the dining room table and asks what I'm writing.
• I shrug and say "homework."
• He apologizes.
• I apologize.
• We bicker a little more.
• He touches my arm and says I'm his best friend and picks a piece of donut off of my shirt.
• I kiss him then lick his face.
• We wrestle a little in the kitchen. (I win)
• The fight is over and I feel okay again.

Brian, as always, is the bigger person (in bold letters as per his request), and I'm lucky to have him. I'm lucky our fights rarely last long (Because Brian is the best).

This is what marriage is, guys. It really is. It's not just all of the sweet pictures and funny statuses you see on Facebook and Instagram. It's not the good stories couples tell you over dinner. It's days of good and bad. It's days of a lot of bad and a lot of really stupid pointless bickering and forgiving.

 I mean you are signing up to live with someone and share all of your space and your things. You're signing up for all of the habits that they come with and all of the opinions that they have. You're going to be living with all of the smells that they make and you're going to disagree on who puts up with more.

You're going to spend late nights watching Friends and eating leftover birthday cake. You're going to have inside jokes that stem from the bad times you've had.

You're going to hate each other. You're going to resent each other. You're going to miss each other and you're going to need each other.

Marriage sucks, but marriage is also really great.

Marriage is being able to fight and hate each other and still knowing that that person loves the living crap out of you anyways. It's knowing that you'll probably fight a week from now about the milk and about the towels.

Marriage is about forgiveness and about understanding and about sometimes mumbling under your breath.  Some days I would totally trade it, but most days I know without a doubt that I would be lost without it and the amazing example of love and forgiveness that my husband shows me day in and day out.