When my little guys finally did come home, it was awesome! Seriously, there is nothing that I took for granted: the feedings every three hours, the dirty diapers, the laundry. I don't think I showered for like four days after they got home. And that might actually be a low estimate. But it all felt pretty great.
After they got home, I quickly found that with two babies in the house, beggars can't be choosers when it comes to help.
However, there certainly are some things that are more helpful than others.
As moms we WANT everyone to love on our babies. Seriously, there are few things better than seeing our kiddos in the arms of someone we love. I was so proud the day I got to hand my baby over to my grandmother. Seeing a woman who cared for me as a baby sing my sons the same songs she sang to me? Talk about priceless. Shoot, I basically just love to hand over my babies to people just to hear them confirm all the things I know are true: that they're the cutest babies they've ever seen.
But as moms, we also need to BOND BOND BOND with our babies. It's so critical. Mom probably loves sharing (I do!), but don't forget that her bond with Baby is much more important than your bond with Baby. Find other ways to be a good friend and help. Help that mama take care of business so that she can take care of her new baby (or babies!).
It can be so overwhelming to have a new baby and still feel responsible for everything that is needed to keep the house up and running.
Laundry. Dishes. Dinner. Errands. Other Kids. Dusting. Bottles. Groceries. Personal hygiene....
Don't wait for Mom to ask you if you can help out with these things. OFFER. INSIST.
If you're a close friend or relative, offer to help her with laundry and general housework. You don't have to deep clean, but gosh you'd be surprised what a pleasant feeling a clean bathroom can give a person. Be the magical fairy godmother who delivers that wonderful, bleach-scented gift.
If you're a semi-close friend, offer to drive mom to appointments. She's likely on some hardcore meds or just intoxicatingly sleep-deprived and shouldn't drive. If Dad isn't able to be around to shuttle Mom and Baby to pediatrician and OB appointments, offer to be the chauffeur for the day. Offer to go pick up any medications from the pharmacy that might be needed, or to make an emergency diaper/wipes/formula/cereal/ice cream run.
Do anything that allows Mom to relax with her new baby. She needs this time to focus on bonding.
If you're really itching to hold Baby (who wouldn't be??) come over to hold the baby so that Mom can have a meal with both hands or take a shower AND indulge in blowdrying her hair. Offer to hold the baby while she does something that makes her feel good!
The best help I've gotten is when food magically appears, or a grocery run is taken care of, or when bottles and pumping parts are cleaned and sanitized. And when it comes to sharing my babies, I'm so grateful for those arms that have magically appeared to hold my boys when sleep cannot be held at bay any more. The arms that show up accompanied by the melodic voice that says "Go take a nap, Nat."
Ultimately, just be there for that new mama in any capacity that she might feel comfortable with. Be conscientious. Be a good friend.
And when in doubt, be a good friend who shows up with pizza.
I would LOVE to hear from any mamas out there about what you think are the best ways to help a sista out after having a baby.
Stay strong, new mamas!
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